Donut Crazy

1 Ferry Ln – Saugatuck Train Station Westport, CT 06880 • (203) 293-4655 • donutcrazyct.com

One need only walk through the door to understand what makes this place so “crazy,” because directly across from you there are two cases filled with fried rings of dough that look like something Willy Wonka might create if he were really, REALLY stoned (pictured). Sporting more colors of the rainbow than Skittles, these things are topped with the type of stuff that keeps dentists up at night. Things like Cookie Monster, a blue donut topped with actual crumbles of chocolate chip cookies. Candy Crush, topped with gummy worms. Maple Bacon, topped with bacon, of course. That said, I think the best two by far are simplest ones. The Red Velvet (available year-round) and the Pumpkin (only available in Autumn, sadly). Others are decent, but on a textural basis in a head-to-head, flavor-to-flavor throw down with Coffee An’ Donut Shop, they would lose. But that’s only in a fair fight and Donut Crazy don’t fight fair, after all… it’s crazy!

And speaking of CRAZY good, you have to try their Cruffins. Easily the bestest thing they make. Think Cronut, but in muffin form. This is their haymaker and it packs a wallop! Down goes Coffee An’!!!

Other things worthy of note are the muffins and croissants, which are better than any other bakery in the area. My personal favs being the carrot and bran muffins. Yes, another hit from the people at Match going in the books. Not perfect mind you, but well played nonetheless.

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Blue Dog Kitchen

101 W 25th St. New York, NY 10001(212) 229-9222 bluedogkitchen-hub.com

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This place is teeny tiny so I don’t recommend eating there unless you like lines of people standing over you while you chew. It’s much better suited for the grab and go or Seamless.com. It’s also well suited for those who like good, fresh, wholesome food. From salads to sandwiches to their desserts it’s pretty hard to go wrong. Sure, some things are definitely better than others, but nothing I’ve ever had here has been bad.

My go to sandwich is the G19, which sounds a lot like an assault rifle or a supersonic fighter jet, but sadly it is nothing even remotely as cool. It does, however, taste better than both of those things, made with warm grilled veggies and goat cheese, served on a hearty multi-grain bread.

And for salads I definitely recommend the fig, arugula and faro salad. It can be a bit overdressed at times, but it always tastes great. Granted it’s extremely light on the faro to have that ingredient listed as a headliner in the salad’s name.

Then, for dessert, mentally prepare yourself for one of the best oatmeal raisin cookies since the dawn of molasses. It’s got just the perfect hint of cinnamon and a nice depth of flavor from the bourbon. On the other hand, the red velvet extravaganza is just a red velvet cupcake with an over-the-top selly name. Don’t get sucked in by the marketing people. Take it from an ad guy… who got sucked in by the marketing.

3 teeth

 

Peter Pan Donut & Pastry Shop

727 Manhattan Ave. Brooklyn, NY 11222(718) 389-3676 • peterpan-donuts.com

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Unless you are in the know, or you’ve been tipped off by someone who is, you would walk right past this unassuming place. In fact, that’s exactly what my friend did even though we were on a mission, heading directly there.

Once you find it, step inside and you will soon discover that the bakery is very old school. In fact, the only renovation in sight was probably the upgrade from rotary to push button phone. Even the prices seem to be stuck in the past (no complaints) with a dozen setting you back a mere 10 bucks, which is robbery… of THEM. Just one bite of the Blueberry Buttermilk and you would gladly pay the same amount for just that one doughnut alone.

And while you’re likely to hear many others rave about the Old Fashioned, the Red Velvet, Honey Dipped and Sour cream I say skip all of them, because they are snores by comparison to the Maple. In fact, the Maple is so damn irresistible, when we cut it up for sharing we actually found a hair baked into it, but still kept eating. Yes, it’s so good it’s worth getting Hep B. And this was actually my second favorite! Which should speak volumes about how incredible the Blueberry Buttermilk must be. Obviously and Ultimate.

In third place I’d go with the apple crumble (pictured), which is pretty much what it sounds like, the cross pollination of an apple crumble and a doughnut. And in fourth, the chocolate coconut. A bit less inventive than the others, but nice and dense with the cake, which is how I prefer my doughnuts. Sure, fluff and airy has its merits, but I prefer that in my croissants. When it comes to doughnuts, I want the thing to weigh in like a 10 pound plate at the gym, not that I would know since I haven’t worked out in ages… unless you count digesting as exercise?

My only gripe holding them back from 5 knives, other than the string of “ehs” noted above, would be the way the clerk guilted me into buying a 13th doughnut. After ringing me up and tying up the box, she bothers to ask if this was my first time. I naturally replied, “yes,” hence why I bought the friggin’ store out so I could try everything. So THEN she tells me I have to get the Sour Cream because it’s the best one. Now, I appreciate the tip, but A) I would’ve preferred the tip at the onset of donut-palooza, before the transaction was settled and the dozen chosen. And B) if you are going to ask me to pull my wallet back out and go for a 13th, you better be fucking right! But as you can probably surmise from my tone, the sour cream was, well… a sour note. So unworthy of the recommendation that it cost Peter Pan a knife. Fortunately for them, I doubt it will hurt their business one iota.

4 teeth

Crumbs

420 Lexington Ave. New York, NY 10170(212) 297-0500 • crumbs.com

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The whole cupcake explosion is a bit of a mystery to me. I mean, sure I like them. It’s cake for Pete’s sake! But entire bakeries solely devoted to them seems a bit much. Is it simply born out of our own laziness? Is cutting up a large singular cake so inconvenient that we need individually sized versions? Apparently.

And it’s a slippery slope from there. Now everyone feels as compelled as possible to make these little cups of individually sized cake as special as they can be, cramming 10 pounds of shit in a 5 ounce cup. Almost as if someone decided that cupcakes are the new ice cream. So now we’ve got cookies and cream cupcakes. Chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes. Reese’s, Snicker, M&M and Mint Chocolate Chip- not to mention the cake varieties like German chocolate, red velvet, chocolate and vanilla.

But enough preaching about the absurd cupcake craze. You just want to hear how Crumbs stacks up. Well, considering I hate the entire genre as a rule, not well. Crumbs is at the bottom of the barrel, with said barrel already lodged firmly at the bottom of the ocean.

The cupcakes are massive and so overly sugary that you feel gross after two bites. There is no nuance to be found. No moisture or airiness in the cake itself. They just go for the jugular and throw caution (and diabetes) to the wind. That said, it’s great for other people’s kids… who you secretly hate.

2 teeth