99 Miles to Philly

94 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10003(212) 253-270099milestophillyeastvillage.com


As you wrap your chomper around this cheesesteak, your lips will practically jump off your face and run up a flight of stairs, Balboa-style. You, on the other hand, will remain firmly planted in your seat, because damn is it heavy. And I mean, maximus heavius. But lord is it worth it. Like little Liberty bells of joy ringing in your ears as you chew. I’ve had Cheesesteaks in Philly that should be ashamed to have been beaten so badly by a NYC joint.

Then there’s the chili cheese fries. I couldn’t even finish half of them, but they were equally gut-busting delicious, in a I-know-this-is-killing-me-with-every-passing-bite sort of way.

And while you’ll probably wish you were in Philly, so you could jog the 99 miles back home to help burn it off, it’s also nice that you can get your Philly finest in less than 99 meters.

4 teeth


66 Madison Ave. New York, NY 10016(212) 725-3900shortysnyc.com


I’ve never spent any quality time in Philly, but I have had my share of brief visits to the City of Brotherly Love, and I have to say, those cheesesteaks have nothing on Shorty’s. Especially when you’ve got sharp provolone in your wheelhouse. Not to mention broccoli rabe. Yes, I like mine fancy. But I also can appreciate the purest whiz. And both are VERY on point.

Additionally, there are a host of great beers, in bottles, cans and draft. As well as some awesome fries and onion rings, just the way I like them- crunchy on the outside, tender inside.

Also, the place is perfect for a sports outing with a TV on practically every surface but your chair.

And last but not least, the lunch special – cheesesteak & a draft beer for 12 bucks, I mean faggetaboutit!

4 teeth


Steuben’s Food Service

523 E 17th Ave. Denver, CO 80203(303) 830-1001 steubens.com


They had me at “Shakes with Booze.” I got the Grasshopper and man was it good. So was the Philly Cheesesteak. VERY impressive for being so far from Philly and as good or better than any I’ve had.

Now for a bit of blaspheme. I actually didn’t think the gravy fries were all that. They aren’t bad mind you, just nothing worthy of note over scores of other cheese fries. For truly transcendent fries, order the Phoenician fries from Ilili in New York.

Same goes for the mac & cheese. It’s good. Nice crunch. But the cheese blend is what you’d expect it to be. For amazing mac and cheese, try Mizuna in Denver- the lobster mascarpone mac is insane. Or Virgil’s in NY with the spicy hit of black pepper.

The falafel’s were also just okay in my book. Again, not bad, but pale in comparison to Taim in New York.

I think the menu just tries too hard to be all things to all people. But on the whole, I still found it to be a very respectable showing.

3 teeth

Pie Face

169 West 23rd St. New York, NY10011(855) 444-3388piefacenyc.com


While I went there all like 🙂

I left more like :l

Here’s why:

The Chicken and Mushroom pie was 😦 because it lacked seasoning. Way too bland and gooey with not much flavor.

Worse still was the chunky beef, which tasted more like Alpo- not sure what the emoticon would be for this, but I’ll go with :@.

Fortunately things picked up with the Pulled Pork BBQ and the Philly Cheesesteak. Both a solid :l

But the true winners were the Thai Chicken and my personal fav, the Tandori Vegetable. Both a resounding 🙂

So, it would seem that Pie Face is better at the non-traditional meat pies. And that I am better at reviews sans emoticons.

As for dessert, the chocolate chip snicker doodle cookie also sucked. Too hard and dry and lacking flavor. And service was a touch on the pissy side.

Certainly not the makings for a 🙂 if you’re shopping for one.

2 teeth