Manny’s Steakhouse

825 Marquette Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55402(612) 339-9900 mannyssteakhouse.com

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So, apparently the Morton’s Steakhouse in Minneapolis closed down, and that’s not even the bad news. The really bad news is that Manny’s is the consolation prize. A poor man’s Morton’s if ever there were one, not that Morton’s is the end all be all of steakness either, but it’s still better than Manny’s.

Manny’s isn’t exactly bad, however, there’s just nothing amazing about it. It’s your run-of-the-mill steakhouse food you’ve eaten at least a hundred times over, with nothing impressionable enough to make a memory. You’ve got your Caesar salad, crab cakes, shrimp cocktail and seafood towers. Your New York Strip, Rib Eye, Porterhouse and Filets. The same old sides like mac and cheese, creamed spinach and baked potato.

But, if an old school steakhouse is what you’re craving in the twin cities, then I recommend The Strip Club in St. Paul. If that’s still not an option for you, however, then best of luck with Manny’s. It’s nothing spectacular and nothing terrible, just smack dab in the middle of steakhouse mediocrity. Good for large parties and testing out the elasticity of your stomach’s lining.

2 teeth

Joe’s Stone Crab

11 Washington Ave. Miami Beach, FL 33139 • (305) 673-0365joesstonecrab.com

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This is basically the seafood version of Morton’s. And while most people fawn over their stone crabs, which is obviously what the place is known for, considering it’s in the name, their black sesame crusted tuna is just about the best piece of tuna I have ever had in my life. So, if you’re not crazy on crab, fret not. Also, the key lime pie for dessert is a must. Service is strong and decor is fine, assuming you like the seafood version of Morton’s.

4 teeth