BOHO

Merkez, Plaj Cd. No:7, 48990 Yalıkavak/Bodrum/Muğla, Turkey • +90 252 385 25 45 • boho.com.tr/boho/food-drink
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The name sounds like an homage to a rodeo clown or something, but it is actually short for Bauhaus, and the way this new hotel is decorated it does that philosophy of design proud. The location doesn’t hurt either, situated on the water in Yalikavak along a charming pedestrian-only street that stretches for several blocks paralleling the shore.

Seated on the deck, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea, the cocktails somehow tasted exquisite, but to be fair, my judgment may have been askew due to the parched state I was in after waiting over 30 minutes for our drinks. So speed of service would not be listed in the plus column.

The food, however, is very much a plus, all small plates, packing big flavor (I’d show a better picture, but they are oddly cagey about such things). My favorites being the spicy octopus, which packs some serious kick and the pasta, which packs some serious Italian cred.

I also enjoyed the charcuterie and cheese as well as the olives, but those were a little more standard in the scheme of things.

If it weren’t for the service I’d probably consider 4 knives, but the only other thing I will say is that there wasn’t much of a crowd their either, unless you take into consideration the stray cats looming over you, waiting for you to finish.

3 teeth

 

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Le Baoli

Port Pierre Canto Bd de la Croisette 06400 Cannes, France • +33 4 93 43 03 43lebaoli.com

Le Bâoli - Cannes, Alpes-Maritimes, France. Sushi and sashimi

As one might expect, the seafood in Cannes is pretty damn good as a norm, so it would only seem logical that perhaps the sushi in Cannes might also be quite exceptional, despite its unfavorable proximity to Japan. Well, it’s not. In fact, it’s god-awful. No, I think that’s sugar-coating it. I think it just might be the worst sushi can possibly be without getting you sick. I’m not kidding. I’ve had better sushi in the desert for Christ sake!

Everything was so flavorless I could’ve easily bitten off the tips of my chopsticks by accident and I would’ve never noticed the difference. From the rice to the seaweed to the fish (no matter whether it was salmon or tuna or anything else for that matter), it all tasted the same. Even the friggin’ wasabi didn’t help because it was just as bland as everything else!

Then, adding salt to the wound, which I suppose we should’ve put on the sushi, the service was shit and the music was so brutally loud that it took away from the fact that we were sitting on the beach overlooking the Mediterranean. But instead, we felt like we were a captive in the movie Saw.

1 tooth

Fred L’Ecallier

Place de l’Etang, Cannes, France • 0493431585 • http://www.fredlecailler.com/#_=_
5422

If you’re staying in the heart of Cannes, it’s a bit of a hike on foot, but it’ll be worth it on your way back, because you’ll want to burn off the mounds of food you are likely to consume. Not that the food is that heavy, it’s more a result of everything looking so damn good and tasting as good as it looks. So before you know it, you’ve ordered enough seafood to deplete the Mediterranean Sea, from bountiful whole fish to shellfish and everything in between, it’s sort of like Astoux & Brun in that regard, but with much better décor.

Speaking of, this is perhaps my favorite reason for making the trek to Fred, for the setting. You sit in a secluded, yet expansive garden, with a delightful wooden trellis overhead, set away from the street, so there’s no such thing as a bad table- unless you have to sit inside due to rain, I suppose. Not that the inside is atrocious, but compared to the alternative, there’s no contest.

Service is also hard to compete with, because they are shockingly warm and friendly, and I’m not just saying that as a stereotypical dig on the French. There is just so much pride in their restaurant that you can’t help but love them for it. Not snooty pride though, sincere pride. Like it’s their baby. And whoa baby is it something to be proud of.

4 teeth

The Carlton Restaurant

InterContinental Carlton Hotel • 58 bd de la Croisette 06400 Cannes, FR+33 4 93 06 40 06 • http://www.intercontinental-carlton-cannes.com/en/your-stay-in-cannes/carlton-restaurant/

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The best part about the Carlton is that it’s the Carlton. So centrally located on the Croisette it’s the true focal point of Cannes, perhaps even more so than the Palais itself. And with its stunning regal architecture  (pictured) you just can’t help but swoon over the outdoor patio setting, overlooking the sparkling Mediterranean.

But then the servers show up, or not as is often the case, and just like that, the glow starting quickly slipping away. Well, not that quickly I suppose, because it can easily take 30 to 40 minutes before they even notice you’ve been seated. On the plus side, they are friendly, but I’m guessing those smiles are more because they know they are about to bend you over a chair and wallet rape you. Yes, the Carlton is crazy pricey and the food is crazy not worth it. For example, 39 Euros for a lobster BLT that tasted like it came out of vending machine. My advice, stick to using it as a bar only and you’ll be happy.

But, if people watching is your thing, or networking, or being seen, then pull up a table, someone with be right with you… in half an hour or so.

2 teeth

Chateau de la Chevre D’or

6 Rue du Barri, 06260 Eze, France • +33 4 92 10 66 66 • chevredor.com
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This is easily amongst my top five restaurants of all time. The setting is incomparable. The food is wonderful. And the experience is unforgettable, unlike anything before it, or since.

It starts with a winding drive up the side of a mountain, overlooking the crystal blue Mediterranean Sea. And with each and every switchback, you rise higher and higher until you ultimately arrive upon the idyllic medieval castle town of Eze, perched at the summit.

Taking up a sizable portion of this castle is a hotel and restaurant by the name of La Chevre D’or (The Golden Goat), and while a goat might not sound like the most luxurious of beasts to enshrine in 24 karat bling, you’ll feel like you were dipped in gold the moment you enter, that’s how special the setting makes you feel. Like royalty, you sit atop an expansive terrace taking in the sun and view almost as if it they were the realm over which you rule.

Yet, with such posh stature, they manage to show vital restraint, because while the service could easily be snooty, that would only serve to break the illusion. After all, what servant would ever turn their nose up at a king or queen? Thus the waiters are impeccable.

And speaking of flawless, the meal is like something out of a storybook. I’m not really sure what that even means now that I’ve just written it, but let’s just assume it means really, really good. For example a lobster tail served over a bed of turquoise salt. Turbot presented almost like the sails of a ship. And every bite as magical as if Merlin himself were in the kitchen.

If you are ever within a 90 minute drive of here, be sure to make a reservation. It’s worth every last kilometer. And if you can’t get a table, at least stop by for tea or cocktail. You get the same gorgeous view and impeccable service, along with some of the best snacks your mouth could ever dream of.

5 teeth