The Carlton Restaurant

InterContinental Carlton Hotel • 58 bd de la Croisette 06400 Cannes, FR+33 4 93 06 40 06 • http://www.intercontinental-carlton-cannes.com/en/your-stay-in-cannes/carlton-restaurant/

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The best part about the Carlton is that it’s the Carlton. So centrally located on the Croisette it’s the true focal point of Cannes, perhaps even more so than the Palais itself. And with its stunning regal architecture  (pictured) you just can’t help but swoon over the outdoor patio setting, overlooking the sparkling Mediterranean.

But then the servers show up, or not as is often the case, and just like that, the glow starting quickly slipping away. Well, not that quickly I suppose, because it can easily take 30 to 40 minutes before they even notice you’ve been seated. On the plus side, they are friendly, but I’m guessing those smiles are more because they know they are about to bend you over a chair and wallet rape you. Yes, the Carlton is crazy pricey and the food is crazy not worth it. For example, 39 Euros for a lobster BLT that tasted like it came out of vending machine. My advice, stick to using it as a bar only and you’ll be happy.

But, if people watching is your thing, or networking, or being seen, then pull up a table, someone with be right with you… in half an hour or so.

2 teeth

L’Ondine

La Croisette, 06400 Cannes, FR • 0493942315 • ondineplage.com
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When mussel season hits, this place is a must. Located right on the beach with the gold and white awnings, just down from the Carlton. There are several other things here that are good as well, such as the caprese and artichoke salads. But one word of caution, the portions are humungous. I’m guessing they have Americanized them for all the tourists. Or Italianized them for family style? Well, whatever they did, they awesomized the Moules Frites. The best I’ve ever had. Each mollusk carrying with it a faint memory of the sea, along with a white wine broth so good you’ll want to sop it up with a bushel of baguettes.

3 teeth

Vesuvio

68 la Croisette Cannes, France • 04 93 94 08 28
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Once upon a time Vesuvio erupted with awesome. But lately it tastes more like they’ve imploded. The service is bad and the pizza is worse. In fact, you can even see that the waiters are just calling it in on their faces, worn down, bored or simply resting on the laurels of their successful past so heavily those laurels are about to snap like a twig, if they haven’t already.

It pains me to say it though, as I have had a number of great meals here over the years, but the ingredients just aren’t what they were and the pies suffer because of it. Fortunately La Pizza at the other end of the Croissette is picking up the slack.

But if you don’t feel like hiking it all the way to the other end of Cannes, or you’re simply too inebriated to pull off that many sequential feats of one foot in front of the other, than here’s what we used to get there; either the sausage pie or the Quattro. Along with a mixed or Greek salad. After a night of binge drinking it’s probably just as well that you go here because your tastebuds are probably too alcohol logged to care anyway.

2 teeth