Cock & Bull

23 W 45th St. New York, NY 10036(212) 819-1900 • cockandbullnyc.com
thumb_275

Before I jump right into this review, let’s take a moment to really appreciate the name. I mean really take it in. Cause the way I see it, we’re talking truckloads of confidence (or money… or both) it must’ve taken to name this place what is essentially synonymous with bullshit. A name most people wouldn’t exactly flock to as a draw. But, on the other hand, a brilliant play toward lower expectations, because if you wind up having a shitty meal or terrible service, well what did you expect? It says bullshit right on the door!

Name aside, Bullshit fashions itself quite faithfully after your typical British Pub with its dark wood walls, Guinness on draft, a healthy selection of scotch and rugby on the telly. And contrary to my theory above, the service is pretty attentive and on the ball.

In terms of food, one must first calibrate themselves in reality, after all, it is bar food, and worse still, British food. A culture known for such culinary contributions to the world as shepherd’s pie, pot pie and fish & chips. So, now going in fully calibrated I would like to start with a major shout out to the fish sliders, done “fish & chips style” with batter-fried cod on little buns with slaw and nicely seasoned wedge fries- er, I mean chips on the side. In fact, they were so good I much preferred them over the regular fries which you can also order by the basket or with a burger.

The only misses for me were the deviled eggs. As in the devil himself was missing. No heat. No spice. No seasoning. No bloody anything other than mayonnaise as far as I could tell, making them way too creamy and not all that tasty. Oh and in case you’re wondering what in the hell that dish is in the picture above, that’s bacon wrapped meatloaf ladies and gentleman. Talk about devilish.

Come drinks, the Guinness was good, poured like it should (look, I’m a poet), nice and smooth. And while the bourbon selection is a little light, the Bulleit Rye is always a crowd pleaser, so box checked on hooch.

In general a solid choice for a drink and a bite with friends before hoping on a train at Grand Central and slipping into a food coma.

3 teeth

The Breslin

Ace Hotel • 20 W 29th St. New York, NY10001(212) 679-1939thebreslin.com

20120412-201509-breslin-lamb-burger-3

Because it’s located in the Ace Hotel I have to give it instant points for cool, but the decor of the restaurant itself is truly nothing extraordinary, falling somewhere between an old world pub and a Bennigan’s. Yet somehow it also feels just right for what the place offers, nose-to-tail done gastro pub style (not to be confused with Gangnam Style).  So to that end, I ordered myself a pint of Guinness and the highly acclaimed lamb burger with thrice cooked potatoes (pictured).

Well, apparently someone forgot to serve me the cool aid with it, because while I definitely found the burger to be good, it most certainly wasn’t great. And the fact that I ate it at 12:30am without having ever had dinner (except for the liquid kind), you’d think I would’ve been an extremely easy target. After all, everything tastes incredible when you’re starving and drunk. But to honest, I’ve made better lamb burgers at home, and I’m far from a chef the likes of April Bloomfield. In fact, if I were ever on Chopped, I’m pretty sure I would curl up in the fetal position on the kitchen floor. But giving props where props be due, the fries were actually pretty wonderful.

I’ve also been back a few times since, for work functions and what not, but I can’t say anything else on the menu wowed me either, especially when I compare it to places like Animal, which is my favorite nose to tail in existence. Or Minetta Tavern which is truly a gastro pub for the books. But if you’re staying in the hotel and it’s raining or freezing outside, you could do a lot, lot worse for hotel food.

3 teeth

The Blazer Pub

440 Rt 22 Purdys, NY 10578 • (914) 277-4424theblazerpub.com

eGFs5ZOUgzWRio

I think legislation needs to be passed to hold Yelpers accountable for gross negligence of opinion. I mean to call this burger the “best burger in Westchester” is criminal. Worse still, some dolt actually went so far as to say “in the world.” Yes, maybe in your tiny little world that stretches from Purdy to Croton to Yorktown Heights, but in the ACTUAL world, this burger is terrorism on a bun.

For starters, the meat itself is egregious. Dry, overworked and overcooked, crumbling apart like Tom Brady’s alibi. Plus, the patty is way too small for the hard roll they serve it on, throwing the balance completely off. Well, that would’ve been the case had there been any semblance of balance to begin with, because all of the proportions are FUBAR on the Blazer Burger (pictured). Too much of everything except the actual burger itself, drowning in caramelized onions, a thick, flavorless beefsteak tomato, jarred pickles, crispy bacon and romaine.

The Celsius Burger might’ve been even worse, because it didn’t even have the benefit of syphoning moisture off of the onions. Luckily I had a plethora, so I shared. Otherwise I think we would’ve eaten even less than we actually did.

Oh, and speaking of not finishing, don’t even get me started on the “French Fries.” Basically a pile of two by fours made of potato with zero seasoning. We ordered a medium plate for four people and after we were finished there was still enough fries to serve our leftovers as a medium portion to four people, and that would’ve still been considered a large portion in my opinion.

The Guinness on tap is bitter, the lemonade is Snapple and the décor is a dump. Granted that’s intended to be part of its charm. It didn’t work (charmed would not be a word I would use to describe how I felt). About the only thing that was working at The Blazer was our waitress. No complaints on service. But why people flock here is beyond me. And flock they did. Gobbling up this dog food as if the antidote was in it. And perhaps it is, because you’d have to be sick to think this place is deserving of four stars.

1 tooth

The Ultimate Beer

McSorleys-light-and-dark

Staropramen

While Pilsner Urquell is the more well known Czech beer in the U.S., and rightly so, it’s pretty special, its Czech brother Staropramen might just be even better. Not just because one is a pilsner and the other lager. And not just because it’s harder to come by, and therefore more elusive and special- because it stands as well on its own as it does with food. Urquell, while terrific in both respects as well, falls a hair short by itself, because it’s so much lighter, which makes for an ideal meal companion, and drinkability, but on its own the flavor is not so impressionable that it would ever have you savoring the aftertaste. Whereas Staropramen is all of that and a bag of yum. Crisp. With a longer, more complex taste. And a much stronger finish that could put most Olympic gymnasts to shame.

 

McSorley’s Dark Ale (pictured)

For my micro brew bestie I have to give it up to McSorley’s in New York City. It’s the oldest bar in Manhattan offering up only two beers since 1854, McSorley’s Ale and McSorley’s Dark Ale (pictured). Served in biblical proportions. No seriously. This isn’t an exaggeration. It’s a Noah’s ark business model. They only serve their beers in twos. And while both are great, I’m a bit partial to the dark. It has a Negro Modelo vibe about it, but with a little more ester to it. If you’re in NYC for a visit or live there, this place is a must for a glass of beer. Well, technically two glasses. Or four… Or six… They go pretty quickly.

 

Sapporo

If you’re getting sushi you have two options as far as I’m concerned. Sake or Sapporo. Screw Asahi and save the green tea for dessert. Sapporo is the perfect companion. Made remarkably smooth with the use of rice, which is perhaps part of why it grooves so well with Japanese cuisine. In fact, it goes so well, it’s almost as if it were purposefully engineered to go specifically with sushi. Well, be it the case or not, suffice it to say that Sapporo is the Sonny Bono to raw fish’s Cher.

 

Guinness

I’m not exactly sure why any other stout beer exists, because they’re all trying to be like Mike. And they all fall miserably short. Tasting like the hops took a shit in your glass. But not Guiness. Oh no. This stout manages to caress your buds in a lather as smooth as milk. But the craziest thing is that while most stouts are very heavy and highly caloric, Guinness is neither. The only nit is that she’s a temperamental brew. She doesn’t like to sit around, so make sure you’re getting your pint from a place that pours a lot of it, otherwise don’t even bother. And while the bottle and can versions are much improved over the years, they still don’t compare to the likes of a well-poured pint from the keg.

 

Blue Moon

This newest comer to the list exploded onto the scene about ten years ago and shook up the beer category so much that it needed Dramamine to recover. In fact, this Belgian Wheat is so damn good it’s the only one that I keep stocked in my house. Goes great with seafood, burgers, dogs and pizza. And while it’s often served with a slice of orange, don’t discount it as a fruity, fru fru brew. It’s just as great sans slice, and better than every other Belgian beer I’ve had.

 

Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale

As the only non-mass beer on the list, I feel the need to go above and beyond to say just how special this beer is. If you should be so lucky as to happen upon a tap, be sure to order it. Spare no expense, because it will pay for itself on the first sip. You have never tasted anything this special in beerhood. Forget the opulence of Chimay, although I must admit it sort of reminded of the creamy Belgian, but instead of deriving its cool from brewing it in a monastery, Kentucky pulls a trump card and brews it in actual bourbon barrels, as the name suggests. The result layers the beer with incredibly complex notes that subtly spring to life in your mouth. Balanced by a hint of sweetness, the takeaway becomes smooth and creamy. And while the alcohol content is a bit higher than the others, it’s surprisingly easy to drink. Perhaps too easy.