Girl & the Goat

809 W Randolph St. Chicago, IL 60607(312) 492-6262girlandthegoat.com

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As you may have guessed, I love the name. It’s got a critter in it and alliteration. What more could you want? Good service? Check. Hip décor? Check squared. Great cocktails? Check-a-palooza. Great food? Well, depends on what you get, and I tried a lot.

It’s all small plates, so it’s a bit hard to distinguish between the appetizers and the entrees, but whatever you want to call them, be sure to get the warm marinated olives. They are tops. Never had better. Not even in Europe.

Another kickass dish are the green beans in fish sauce vinaigrette with cashews. It stole the show away from the cauliflower dish that so many others rave about. Sure it has pickled peppers (assumingly picked by Peter Piper), pine nuts and mint, but if you’ve ever eaten the cauliflower at Ilili or Tamarind in NYC, or Cleo in LA, this cauliflower is a mere apprentice in the shadow of their mastery. Whereas those green beans are Ultimate worthy. Trust me.

After that I’d go with the sweet corn pierogies with green goddess and rhubarb chimichurri (pictured). Or the pig face served with a sunny side egg, tamarind, cilantro, red wine, maple and potato stix. So good and definitely the better way to go versus the goat shank.

But buyer beware, because not everything is worth your hard-earning coin. I say skip the shishito peppers. If you’ve had one, you’ve had them all, and there are so many other original dishes to be had.

The grilled baby octopus is decent with its guanciale (cured pork), fava beans, pea tips, pistachios and lemon vinaigrette, but not at the level of those winners I mention above. Same goes for the broccoli with smoky bleu cheese, the roasted beets with avocado crème fraiche and the kohlrabi slaw with fennel, toasted almonds and blueberries.

And finally, for dessert, the tres leche was the best of the bunch for me, with rhubarb, pink peppercorn and strawberry sorbet. It’s not so great that I would recommend force feeding it down your gullet if you’re already stuffed with everything else, but if you’ve still got room for jello, then go for it!

3 teeth

Beehive Restaurant

30 Old Rt 22 Armonk, NY 10504 • (914) 765-0688beehive-restaurant.com

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Dear Yelpers,

Just because a restaurant has a big menu does not make it a four star restaurant. In fact, it’s more often than not means the exact opposite because they can’t focus on making anything great with so much to keep prepped, so nothing is ever fresh and thus nothing winds up good.

Beehive, at its best, is blah diner food with better decor and worse service. Cue the can of whoop-ass opening…

First, when we were seated for lunch, there were about a dozen or more empty tables, yet the hostess first tried to seat us next to the wait station. WTF? Then, the waiter brings me the special fish sandwich, about which nothing was special, and to make matters worse, he fails to even bring me the entire dish. I had to ask where the remaining sides were before he even realized. After eventually returning with the forgotten sides, he brought the fries without ketchup or mustard, and nor did he even bother to ask if I’d like any.

Then there’s the food. As I already stated, the fried fish sandwich was tasteless. A travesty if you ask me, because if I’m going to poison myself with deep fried food, the least it should be is worth it! And worse still, the sandwich was a recommendation by the waiter- shocker. But the saddest part of all was that the side of tarter sauce did nothing for the dish as it was as equally bland as the fish itself. Like placing mayo on top of oil.

So how about those fries? Even they were atrocious. Completely tasteless. No salt or seasoning of any kind, tasting like the crap you get at a diner along a desolate route somewhere in the sticks.

And then there’s my wife’s Chop Chop Cobb, which should be chop, chopped right off the menu. The “green goddess” dressing was far from god-like and even farther from green. Again, basically just a ramekin of mayo. I swear, in a blind taste test you wouldn’t be able to distinguish it from the tarter sauce.

So Beehive, this is going to sting… but you flat out suck.

1 tooth