Mastro’s Steakhouse

246 N Canon Dr. Beverly Hills, CA 90210(310) 888-8782 • mastrosrestaurants.com

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Let the gluttony begin! …Sorry, let the posh gluttony begin!

If you’re looking for a nicer, hipper version of Morton’s and Ruth’s Chris, this is the spot. Very cool décor. Great seafood and steak. Sides that stick to your, well, sides. Awesome wine least. Top notch service- and even top notcher prices. Definitely not for the penny pincher- but a great place for big business dinners or a bachelor party, etc… I had a lot of fun both times I ate here.

Some specific highlights are the seafood tower starter, the wagyu beef and the lobster mashed potatoes, because why even get out of bed if your mashed potatoes don’t have lobster in them? Creamed corn was also rib-sticking good. And, as previously stated, the “awesome” wine list is one you can get lost (and poor) in.

4 teeth

Strip House

15 W 44th St. New York, NY 10036(212) 336-5454 • striphouse.com

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Apparently the one in Union Square has better décor, but the charm of the one in midtown is its old school, dated, meat-joint-of-yore vibe. The other thing the décor has going for it is its play on words. The “Strip” house also happens to be decorated with hundreds of black and white photographs of strippers from back in the day when it was still sexy to get naked for a living, not tragic.

For service, we were taken care of very well by a gigantic Romanian gentlemen I’ll refer to us Lurch. Now, I’m not just saying that the service was good because I’m worried about him crushing my skull like the Spaniard in Game of Thrones the other night. He was actually quite good. And good-natured, because trust me, we’re not an easy bunch (no news there). And after a bottle or two of Amarone? Dare I say assholes?

Now…. Let the gluttony BEGIN! First, the onion bread alone is worth a bow, far outshining its pretzel bread cousin. But even the onion bread wouldn’t hold the spotlight long as the sweet corn chowder amuse bouche took center stage and let’s just say my bouche was very amused.

After that, things trickled back towards Earth as the shrimp cocktail, the bacon and the spicy tuna tartar all fell squarely in the land of “good but not great.”

But the rollercoaster was far from over as we surged upward for one of the best bone-in rib-eye’s I’ve had. And a bone in filet that wasn’t half bad either. But the true star of the table was the creamed spinach. Only one or two others have ever dared to compare.

On the downturn, the mac and cheese is a big pass. And the goose fat potatoes, while saliva-inducing in name are just “eh” in execution.

In the solid good realm, I would put the creamed corn and garlic string beans.

And for dessert, skip the red velvet (it’s dry) and the cheesecake (it’s no Junior’s). But very much do the shit out of the chocolate brownie. It’s hella-good. Especially when you down it with some 40-year Quinta port.

So now comes the 20 million dollar question, how’d I feel after all of that food? Well, I think this will answer it best: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXH_12QWWg8

3 teeth