Crumbs

420 Lexington Ave. New York, NY 10170(212) 297-0500 • crumbs.com

crumbs1

The whole cupcake explosion is a bit of a mystery to me. I mean, sure I like them. It’s cake for Pete’s sake! But entire bakeries solely devoted to them seems a bit much. Is it simply born out of our own laziness? Is cutting up a large singular cake so inconvenient that we need individually sized versions? Apparently.

And it’s a slippery slope from there. Now everyone feels as compelled as possible to make these little cups of individually sized cake as special as they can be, cramming 10 pounds of shit in a 5 ounce cup. Almost as if someone decided that cupcakes are the new ice cream. So now we’ve got cookies and cream cupcakes. Chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes. Reese’s, Snicker, M&M and Mint Chocolate Chip- not to mention the cake varieties like German chocolate, red velvet, chocolate and vanilla.

But enough preaching about the absurd cupcake craze. You just want to hear how Crumbs stacks up. Well, considering I hate the entire genre as a rule, not well. Crumbs is at the bottom of the barrel, with said barrel already lodged firmly at the bottom of the ocean.

The cupcakes are massive and so overly sugary that you feel gross after two bites. There is no nuance to be found. No moisture or airiness in the cake itself. They just go for the jugular and throw caution (and diabetes) to the wind. That said, it’s great for other people’s kids… who you secretly hate.

2 teeth

 

Doughnut Plant

379 Grand St. New York, NY 10002 (212) & 220 W 23rd St. New York, NY 10011(212) 505-3700doughnutplant.com
1359052713Doughnut Plant New York

While the cronut place is busy sorting out its health code violations, fret not. One bite of the Crème Brulee Doughnut and you will forget all about it. In fact, you’ll want to have your mouth’s jersey retired, because it has achieved all it can in the world of doughnut greatness. That said, should wish to venture on, the options of awesomeness are aplenty at The Plant (just not quite as “wet your pants” amazing as Crème Brulee).

The next best for me would be the Carrot Cake Doughnut. You might not wet your pants, but it is highly possible that you could start weeping uncontrollably.

After that I’d say it’s a toss up between the incredibly creamy Tres Leche, the Coconut Cream or the comforting PB & J donut.

The only miss for me was the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Doughnut. Not that it was bad, but let’s just say I’d rather grab a classic Krispy Kreme.

5 teeth