Patisserie Florentine

10 S Dean StEnglewood, NJ 07631 • (201) 408-4890 •

Engle-fucking-wood Cliffs?! Are you kidding me?! How is this place in Englewood Cliffs? Scratch that- WHY is this place in Englewood Cliffs? Their Banana, Nutella, almond croissant is such a baller it needs to be playing on a much bigger court, like Manhattan.

This Ultimate of a pastry is messier than a Sean Spicer press conference, but far more enjoyable. Oozing in all directions with a miraculously well balanced treat that doesn’t overdo it, despite the potential to do so looming large.

Other players in the baked game are the regular almond croissants, which are great, and less messy than their banana-Nutella siblings, but they are also less novel. Of the muffins, the granola is the one to get, followed by the orange. But I say skip the blueberry. It was surprisingly the weakest of the lot.

Even the egg dishes are nothing to overlook as the eggs benny proves to be a savory powerhouse in its own right. But be sure to ask them to make the eggs runny, because they have a tendency to overcook them a touch. Tisk, tisk.

Where Florentine fails miserably, however, is with their service. It is god awful. So bad in fact that I feel a moral imperative to dock them a knife. It’s as if the entire wait staff is simultaneously starting their first day on the job. Every table in the joint is yelling at them. Complaining. “No silverware” over here. “No one has taken my order yet” over there. They are slow, forgetful and worst of all, inept. So much so that the last time I visited I asked for three of the Banana Nutella Almond croissants to go and they gave me three plain old almond.

So if you are the owner or the manager and you are reading this, please start over with the staff, because eventually people will grow tired of their shit, regardless of how great the food is. I know I am.


Fredsgatan 14, Gothenburg 411 07, Sweden • 031-711 28 68 •

There is a very charming vibe when you enter this café. Very bohemian with it’s colorful patchwork and eclectic mix of furniture set across from a bountiful case of goodies. Unfortunately, however, that’s just the front. If you venture toward the back, it quickly shifts from bohemian to Starbucks, which is a bit of downer. Not sure why they broke theme. Guess they ran out of money I suppose? Two owners couldn’t agree? One owner with a split personality disorder?

But I digress. Just sit up front and you’ll be happy. Oh, and the food aims to please as well. The blueberry muffin was moist and fresh and not the size of a Chihuahua, which tends to be the standard unit of measurement for muffins in the States.

Also very solid are the sammies. I had the prosciutto and cheese on focaccia which held its own amongst any I have had.

Definitely a worthy go to if you need a quick, affordable bite amidst your shopping binge.

3 teeth