Juniper

575 Warburton Ave. Hastings-on-Hudson, NY 10706 • (914) 478-2542 •  juniperhastings.com

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I have to say that I’m a little surprised that Juniper has held on as long as it has. Sure, its cute little dining room and friendly staff make for a pleasant first 15 minutes, but after that, the wheels start coming off compared to the likes of The Cookery, Twisted Oak or Wolfert’s Roost, all of which handily beat Juniper when it comes to food in the River Towns. It’s a shame too, because after hearing fellow foodies rave about it, I got my hopes up, not realizing they were raving on a curve. Ya know how it is, it’s “suburbs-good.” Well, I beg to differ.

I had the brisket burger, which sounded too good to be true, and unfortunately it was too eh to be good. Wifey had the special mushroom soup which was the best thing of the night and the hanger steak, which sagged below the low-set bar of my brisket burger. But even worse than a mediocre meal is having to wait 45 minutes for it to arrive with no bread or anything to tide us over. This, topped with the fact that they don’t even serve alcohol made me even more cantankerous than I already am, having to run across the street to a wine store and buy a bottle. Fortunately I had plenty of time. 😉

For dessert, we cut our losses and didn’t even order it, not that we were dieting, but because I didn’t want to have to run back across the street for port. Plus, it probably wouldn’t have been worth another 45 minutes anyways.

2 teeth

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Harvest on Hudson

1 River St. Hastings On Hudson, NY 10706(914) 478-2800harvest2000.com/hoh

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I literally refer to this place as “Horrible on Hudson,” so that should give you some sense of where this review is heading. From the moment we set foot inside we knew we were in trouble, forced to wait for a table outside (the only reason to even go here) even though we had a reservation. So, we were escorted by our rather rude hostess to the over-crowded bar where we sat amongst wife-beaters and ill-fitting, gaudy get ups that felt like they were “harvested” from an episode of The Sopranos. So there we sat for an inordinate amount of time, marinating in annoyance, which was quickly brought to a boil when our excessive wait yielded a table overlooking the wait station.

Now, the one thing I can say in favor of Horrible is that at least they’re consistent. Consistently horrible, but consistent nonetheless. Right down the the overcooked scallops served with overcooked polenta. Well, I think it was polenta. At least that’s what the menu said. Tasted more like the card stock the menu was printed on. And the entrees didn’t prove to be much better. In fact, the only thing they proved was that this place is a colossal waste of time and calories. And so we opted out of dessert in favor of some fresh fruit at home, which just happened to be the best thing of the night.

1 tooth