How do you take an oversized, gluttonous, touristy restaurant and top it? Open one in Disney World! Yes, all of the diabetes inducing excess you’ve come to know and love is now available times 10 for a limited time! And by limited I mean until people have grown so morbidly obese that they wind up like the prophetic scenario at the end of the Disney movie Wall-E (#irony).
Yes, it’s almost as if they tried to make this place an actual-sized replica of the Amazon Jungle. The gift shop alone is the size of most large restaurants. The aquariums are so big you could almost take a boat out on them. And the portions? You could take a boat out on them too. Every drink is like a Super Big Gulp. And that’s without ordering a large. I can only imagine the large is when they back an oil truck full of Coke into the dining room and shove the hose down your gullet.
And the food isn’t exactly tiny either. The burgers are roughly the circumference of a salad plate and the mound of fries they come with is probably a weeks worth of fat, carbs and calories. Fortunately they also have salads, which are lighter, and are only the size of the hedge maze from The Shining.
On the plus side, it’s fun for kids. Granted the thunderstorms and screaming animals might scare them if they’re too young. On the other hand, if you’re an adult without kids and you still want to go here, I think that might actually be even scarier than the thunderstorms.